


Rooftop Nights Are My Favourite Nights

by treehousq



Series: Modified - Janti AU [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Anti Has Issues, Anti Has Scars, Antisepticeye Sean McLoughlin, Author Projecting onto Antisepticeye, Author's Favorite, Coping, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depressed Antisepticeye, Depression, E-Cigs, Emotional Baggage, Emotionally Repressed, Graphic Description, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspired by Real Events, Janti - Freeform, Late Night Writing, Late at Night, Literally Just Venting, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Scars, Sean McLoughlin Egos, Self-Harm, Self-Indulgent, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Triggers, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Vaping, Veins, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, picking at skin, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24289159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treehousq/pseuds/treehousq
Summary: Anti hadn’t realised what time it was until Jack’s phone going off, some notification from Reddit, revealed it to be 4:02 AM. Anti looked over at Jack to find his hand resting still on his abdomen and his breathing slower, mouth parted as he slept soundly.Anti felt himself smile genuinely for the first time that day, placing his hand on top of Jack’s warm one on his stomach as he spoke softly to the cold night. “Rooftop nights are my favourite nights.”
Relationships: Anti/Jack, Antisepticeye/Jacksepticeye, Janti, Sean McLoughlin/Sean McLoughlin
Series: Modified - Janti AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687330
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34
Collections: Youtube AU’s, Youtube Fanfiction





	Rooftop Nights Are My Favourite Nights

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS, PLEASE READ JUST IN CASE:  
> \- In-depth description of past self-harm scars  
> \- Mentions of picking at skin  
> \- Mentions of scratching at skin  
> \- Vaping  
> \- Momentary mentions of veins visible through skin
> 
> I know some of these things can be triggering to me if I’m not aware of them beforehand, so make sure you’re safe!

Anti’s skin felt taut in the cold night air, goosebumps prickling his skin and making the dark brown hairs on his arms stand to attention. 

The cold felt nice. Nice against his skin and his mind. It left him in a place that felt more bearable than if he were to be in a warmer place. The cold numbed him.

He wanted to be numb right now.

Numb so he could forget how he was feeling in his head and his chest. Numb so he could forget how his heart thundered in his chest when he got too deep into his feelings. Numb so his skin wouldn’t hurt as much.

He glanced to his left shoulder and the skin below it. The pale flesh was picked and scratched raw, pinky-toned scars standing above firey-red welps and scratches. He took his thumb and index finger on each end of one of the more prominent, welped scars that adorned his upper arm, and he squeezed it together slowly. In mindless fascination he watched as the smooth skin of the scar wrinkled, smoothing out again as he let go and smoothing out even farther as he stretched it out. It was easy to see in the moonlight.

Anti’s gaze wondered over the countless other scars, some on his shoulder and others on his upper arm. All of the other scars, save for the one red one he had previously been picking at, were thin and white, freckles of various shades of brown and sizes covered the ones on his shoulders. He found, however, that if he raised his arm up the skin would fold together and the scar would raise so it was visible, damaged tissue and flesh wrinkling and distorting the freckles layered overtop.

He let his gaze fall past the other minor scars, just visible if you focused, and two that had been carved jaggedly into his arm with an old shaving razor. If he thought about it he could still feel the way the cheap plastic handle of the razor balanced in his hand. Warm mist surrounding his body in the shower and scalding hot water pelting into the sensitive skin of his shoulders.

His arms were far less sensitive now.

Anti’s left arm was adorned with freckles on the top side where course, dark brown hair overlayed them. The underside was multicoloured, and only because of how his skin reacted in the cold. Old scars that were faded would return full force as deep a berry colour, the deeper ones practically calling out his past. The blue and green coloured veins underneath his ivory skin were neon lights. Dark lines of all sizes and depth faced every direction, no order to them at all.

If he focused hard enough he could still make out the remnants of lines that spelled out a word he had carved into the fragile skin years and years ago.

Anti blinked slowly, allowing his eyes to stay shut for a few seconds before opening them again and only sparing a fleeting glance at tiny scars on his hands and fingers.

The right arm was far more visible. The scars were more recent, a little over half a year since they had been put there, but they continued raging on as a pinkish red colour no matter the temperature. In comparison to his left, Anti had far less scars on his right forearm, but they were by far much more visible.

No scars littered Anti’s right shoulder, none that were visible anymore that is, and he felt thankful for that in a way. He caught his right hand digging, scratching, picking, clawing at his left upper arm again. He pulled his hand away and busied his conscious by examining his fingernails.

Anti’s fingernails were once always painted black, and at least sometime soon he planned on returning to that habit, because what he was staring at right now is exactly what happens when he doesn’t do so.

Each nail was bitten far past the quick, and if he pulled the skin far enough away from the nail he’d be able to get it to bleed again. Jack usually used some sort of cream and bandages on them when this happened, but Anti had been up on the roof of their apartment building since early afternoon. It was 3:12 AM now.

Anti’s cuticles were either far overgrown or peeled back too far. No inbetween. He couldn’t even stretch his fingers all the way out without the skin tugging and sending a stinging burn to his finger tips where the nail had been chewed crudely off. He stared at his hand, not fully stretched out, and in a moment of experimentation and numbness, he stretched them out fully and then back some. He could feel the pain as the skin seperated a little from underneath the nail and tiny beads of red began springing forward, but it resembled more of a warning sign than a register of actual pain.

If Anti hadn’t kept his skinny jeans on then he’d probably be picking at the scars on his thighs and legs and ankles.

Anti let out a long and shallow sigh, reaching blindly behind him for something. When his fingers brushed the cold object he picked it up and placed it between his lips, taking a long drag before exhaling the smell of blueberry vapour into the cold night air. Clouds of it puffed into the air before a slight breeze whisked them away. Anti twisted the device in his hands absentmindedly, tasting the flavour on the back of his tongue almost. He breathed deeply through his nose before crossing his arms behind his head and leaning back, his shirt rising up enough to reveal his stomach a bit and expose it to the cold air. He laid like that for a while, inhaling and exhaling vapour and playing with strands of his hair.

“So this is where you’ve been.”

Anti looked back to see Jack holding his arms and rubbing them, shivering in the cold.

“Yeah. Sorry if I worried ya.” Anti called back, blowing out some vapour through his nose as he spoke.

Jack shook his head and shuffled towards Anti. “It’s fine. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He sat next to Anti on the cold roof before choosing to lie down next to him when he found it to be too cold. “I’ll never understand how in the hell you manage to withstand the cold.” Jack mumbled into the material of Anti’s t-shirt.

They didn’t say anything for a while. Jack snuggled next to Anti and tracing old white scars across his stomach and jutting hip bones gently as the greenette blew the berry scented vapour from his chapped lips. Jack never brought up Anti’s scars or past unless it was okay with Anti or if he needed to for whatever reason. It’s not that Anti was avoiding anything, he just didn’t feel like bringing up things from the past if it didn’t serve a purpose in the present.

“You should go back to the strawberry one, the blueberries always smell too sweet.” Jack half-mumbled into Anti’s shirt, his eyes now closed.

“It’s the cherry one you like, not strawberry. And this is the last of the blueberry.” Anti’s voice was gruff from not using it for a while, and he blew some of the vapour into Jack’s face playfully, keeping back a laugh as the brunette’s face scrunched a bit in response.

“You little shit.” Jack simply retorted with a smile.

Anti hadn’t realised what time it was until Jack’s phone going off, some notification from Reddit, revealed it to be 4:02 AM. Anti looked over at Jack to find his hand resting still on his abdomen and his breathing slower, mouth parted as he slept soundly.

Anti felt himself smile genuinely for the first time that day, placing his hand on top of Jack’s warm one on his stomach as he spoke softly to the cold night. “Rooftop nights are my favourite nights.”

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn’t sleep last night and decided to get my thoughts out, seeing as I felt too numb to have any feelings to get out. I couldn’t stop picking at and messing with my old self-harm scars and I just needed to get out whatever was in my head.
> 
> Please know that I am physically okay! Anti’s actions are inspired directly by mine and I no longer self-harm in that way nor to that extent. I do struggle with other minor forms but I’m working on it. I was just having a depressive episode, I’m currently fine though.


End file.
